What Does Friendship Mean in My Life?

It is worth to mention that “friendship” is an abstract notion and doesn’t have certain definition. So one can judge about friendship in his own way. However there is a certain group of people who doesn’t believe in this notion as well as there are people who do believe in friendship. Why is it so? Everything because of absence of certain definition. If friendship has a certain definition, people will not be bother about its existence. So I am a person who doesn’t believe in friendship.
In this essay I’ll be more or less objective and I’ll try to explain my position. I am 21 and still have no friends. Moreover my life is much better without them. I am rather conservative person in some questions. I believe that real friendship is as rare as real love. Since childhood I was trying to find a person who will understand me in all questions and who will help me in any situation. Time passed, but all those people whom I met were not friends in deed, they were just acquaintances. It is very hard emotionally. You think you have find a real friend and indeed he is only one more acquaintance.
During my life I had only three or four attempts to find a real friend. But all these attempts failed. Why? Because I was ready to do everything for my friend, and really did, but each time I didn’t get the answer on my deeds. They were just users of my good attitude and no more. I don’t believe in proverb “A friend in need is a friend indeed”. When you get in troublesome situation it is easy to find people to help you. Because people are such creatures who even subconsciously will be glad, that you got in trouble. They will help you, but inside they will be glad this didn’t happen to them. It is easy to be sorry, but it is difficult to be glad for somebody. You will know whether you have a real friend when you are happy. It is very hard to be glad for somebody, because subconsciously one will feel envy.
I arrived in the period of time when I am happy as never. I want to share with my friends with this happiness, I need now their moral help. And where are they? Since I knew about my pregnancy, no one from my former friends call me or visit. They are going for a walk as usual but without me, though I was asking hundreds of time to phone me. I’m not interesting for them anymore. I don’t blame them for it. They live with their own lives and may be they never considered me as a Friend.
Of course other people can say that I’m not right and the problem is in me, that I’m too demanding, or that I don’t see people’s soul. And they will give me a plenty number of examples of friendship’s existing. And that people can’t live without friends. And they will be right. There is real friendship, and people help each other and even can’t live without each other. But it is not my case. Friendship really exists, but not in my life and maybe for somebody friendship is a whole life, for me it is just empty words. I have my family whom I love and who loves me. They will always help me at any time and situation, the others are just acquaintances.